What makes me feel save? What gives me the inner or outer environment to feel, what's there to be felt?
Hey Dearest fellow human Being!
I appreciate you being here.
What is your mission today?
So my mission right now is - as I'm just flying over Iceland ... on my way to Caliornia ...
to share some insights with you.
About our inner environment.
About our very own inner envronment.
I'm just coming out of a phase of quite intense emotional waves that I experienced the past weeks and months. An elaborate collection of extreme highs, expansion, joy and also lows (not too extreme, but low enough to have a closer look at my relationship with myself. Again. Well actually, they were quite low - but therefor always kind of short). However ... so there I was, being challenged with (in my perception) unpleasant emotions and blessed with lots of tools to deal with them. Maybe a bit too blessed ... or better: misusing the tools to again wanting to fix myself? Hmmm ... Not to feel, what's there to be felt? Still judging?
And - so: there was the trap. So many tools ... So much self development in the past years and years :-) "I should not be feeling like that." "I should be over this by now. ... I'm too mature to be shattered into pieces by something so small, by something that is not understandable anyways ... "
Are you familiar with these thoughts?
As you might know, I'm working since quite a while as a person (being trained as an Alexander technique teacher and Gestalt therapist and more) who accompanies people to really meet themselves, as they are.
Providing the space for them, where they can be just as they are. With everything that they might have been pushing away, with all that where they might restrict themselves (often subconsciously), pushing away unwanted feelings, thoughts and aspects of themselves. Being there with all of it. Safely. And therefor also with their gifts and their aliveness.
And I KNOW how it works. I KNOW that meeting that crappy feeling stuff with my conscious awareness is key. And sure I did it. Again and again. But there was still a part, that I didn't allow to be met by myself, by my spacious consciousness and as the space of love that I am. And that was: my judgements around all of it. So I actually judged myself to not being able to not judge myself. I didn't realize that the on within me who judges, also wanted to be seen and loved. And this added more pain to my state.
The situation in my case was, that I was confused with my own boundaries in relation to another human being. So the first thing that caused pain was, not respecting my own healthy boundaries and not removing myself from the scenerie. And then, one layer on top of this: judging myself for feeling pain. Because I thought I should be more mature and more able to handle that kind of feeling. Neglecting my humanness and also pushing away being in this beautiful human body, which has it's own way of communicating and reacting to other people.
So ... there I was. Not clear within myself and therefor not clear for and towards the other person ... who was not clear either. Wonderful opportunity to grow. To remember:
even the one (within myself) who judges the way I was feeling, wanted to be loved.
And this time:
Not, because I wanted to fix myself or change the whole story ... no ... it was just about remembering who I am and what is the truth within my heart. And that truth within my heart is: love.
For every part of my being.
Always.
Even for the one who is judging.
Can you relate to this story?
